Heavy In Your Arms
by TwilightPrincess89
Summary: Zelda sits and reflects on her life during the war with Zant. Doesnt follow Twilight Princess plot to the T. You have been warned... Rated M.


Diclaimer: I own nothing!

Author's note:This doesnt follow a strict plot to Twilight Princess, but that being said you have been warned, It goes off the beaten track a little. SO DONT READ IT IF YOU THINK THAT IT IS HORRIBLE OR A DISERVICE TO THE GAME. THIS IS JUST A SPIN OFF, BEHIND THE MAGIC OF ZELDA. SERIOUSLY NO HATERS, I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT. I like the Zelda and Midna pairing and the point of this fanfic is to create a story that would probably never happen in the game, but so what, I love Zelda, they are my favorite games, and I will write what I want about them. So like I said this doesnt follow a strict plot in Twilight Princess, but it is around that time, Zelda sits and relects on her life during that time. And I do believe that something like this could have totally happened. SO GET OVER IT AND DONT READ IT IF YOU THINK IT SUCKS, I HAVE NO TIME FOR RUDE REVIEWS. YOU EITHER LIKE IT OR YOU DONT.

Contains; Self harm, lesbian sex, swearing, torture and rape. dont read if you're a hater or if it offends.

Heavy in Your Arms

"_Midna please don't go…" Zelda pleaded the pain in her voice unavoidable. But Midna had no choice; she couldn't stay with her princess any longer._

"_Zel…you and I both know that his could never work the way that we wanted it to…I have seen your heart Zelda, and it is mine, but, I can no longer give you mine…I know that you will have many more lovers…don't let me take that away from you, I want you to live. The task that I was sent here to foresee has been accomplished. We were never meant to last forever. And besides it is hard for me to live in the World of Light Zelda, you and I both know that." Midna explained, she could hear the self justification and harshness of her voice, but she didn't care. She had to leave Zelda, this was the easiest way for both of them, there was no other way around this._

_Then she stepped up onto the platform, muttered some words to Link, the Mirror of Twilight shattered, and then she was gone, just like that._

And that was the day my life as I knew it ended. For weeks I stayed in my room, with only my cat Minx to keep me company. He was the only one who understood my grief. He is an animal, and animals are good at that. I ascended the throne at 16, I am the youngest woman in the history of Hyrule to have ever taken the crown, and now at 23, I am also the only one who has not had children by now. To be honest children are not high on my list of priorities at the moment.

I knew what Midna and I had wouldn't last, that it was only a distraction from the pending danger that was falling on my kingdom, on both of our kingdoms. She would come to me and vent after a long day with Link, hunting the Fused Shadow and the Mirror of Twilight Shards. Apparently Link was an idiot and he had no clue how to fight, or how to do anything right. I had met Link only once, in a dream, but it wasn't anything important. I went to him in sleep because I knew that some how our minds were connected. I guess the goddesses made the "Chosen Ones" special. But for some reason I could not see into Ganondorf's mind, I suppose that was because he wasn't in a material body that he was only spirit and therefore didn't have a tangible soul for me to read.

As the year rolled on I watched helplessly from my tower as Ganondorf's minions decimated my kingdom and ripped apart the moral of my people. I could hear their pleas for mercy, their cries of pain and loss, and their prayers for me to save them, to bring them out of this despair and darkness.

When I ascended the throne I never expected this.

No class or finishing school can prepare you for Evil.

I knew in my heart that I had to surrender, or else the entire kingdom would perish, and sometimes we have to make sacrifices for the greater good. Don't get me wrong, I am not without a heart. But my people need someone who can lead them; someone who doesn't allow their emotions to govern their decisions; someone they can trust and look to for answers, and when that was all over, and that is what I gave them.

Answers.

I didn't tell them that I was a coward.

I didn't tell them that I was scared.

I didn't tell them that I was weak.

I didn't tell them that I was tortured.

I didn't tell them that I was raped.

I didn't tell them that I tried to kill myself.

I didn't tell them anything about me.

I wanted to know about them, what they had suffered through, so I could do my damndest to fix what I had broke. It has taken some time, but the kingdom is back to the way it should be. My people still love me and they fight for me and the establishment that I was born into. I know if it was me, I would have run away and never looked back. I don't need all these provisions, I don't need maids and butlers and 200 dresses for every occasion. Or a suit of armor or 5 war stallions, a huge castle, or anything like that. I just want my Middie back.

And yea that sounds selfish and uncouth. I mean how can a person like me take everything she was given for granted? I never asked for any of this. I don't want this, but I have been given the responsibility, I am a Sage and I have to do my duty.

That is what the rest of my ancestors did.

Ask no questions. Always trust and never back down. Yeah that sounds like a brilliant life.

People envy me because I have everything a person could want. But what my people don't realize is that I envy them. I envy the simplicity of life, the purpose, and the realization of what your life can be like if you try.

I have never tried.

I feel like a failure towards my people, I didn't save them; I surrendered them without their consent. They had no say. And I fed them to the dogs. I explained to my people why I did it, and I don't blame them for being angry, but it was all I could do to save lives.

Even if the life I saved was my own.

I would die for my country, but I knew that if I did, then the Hero of Time would never come and I knew that the kingdom would parish. I have come to understand things that I had not understood back then. That there is some bigger picture that my vain sacrifice wasn't meant to be. Actually I think that the Goddesses had a bigger plan for me and for my kingdom, I am glad that I didn't give my life. Because if I had, then I would have never met Midna.

Midna.

My Twilight Princess.

I love her more than words can say. More than actions can convey or any form of expression. I just can't simply tell anyone how I feel about her. But my heart says it all, because it belongs to Midna. The bridge we formed in our minds remains closed, but I have hope that one day it will open back up and that I will hear her musical voice in my head.

We would make love again.

Like we did so many nights during the war.

Her hands were like silk on my hot skin. Soothing the burning passion radiating from every pore on my body. Every part of me wanted to be one with her, my heart, my soul, my body, my mind. Everything I had I gave to her because I love her. I would lay awake at night and look into her sleeping face, before flaming orange eyes bore into mine. She would ask in her musical voice;

"_What are you thinking about Zelda?" _

And I would always reply;

"_Our future."_

She would smile and close her eyes, falling into a deep sleep once more.

Being a Sage gives you abilities that are scary and cool at the same time. I thought seeing the future would be a neat thing to do. But there are rules about seeing into the future, and you have to adhere to strict guidelines.

I wasn't allowed to share what I had seen to anyone.

I wasn't allowed to alter time.

I wasn't allowed to travel in time.

I wasn't allowed to purposely look into the future.

Basically I had this very neat power but I wasn't allowed to use it.

And I understand now, because I can feel the pain that it causes people who have a gift such as this.

Midna had this gift too. But she never shared anything with me, she stuck to the rules.

The goddess left the Mirror of Twilight in my world because they knew that Midna and I would meet. They knew that Midna would go back to the Twilight Realm and rule as she was supposed to. They knew that she would shatter the mirror into a thousand tiny pieces. They understood her. They understood that Link would fulfill his duty. And if they understood them, what did they know about me? Was I only allowed to know but not to seek? Was I supposed to just be happy with the way things are because there is no way of changing anything?

Being married to Link is something I would have never dreamed of 5 years ago. I saw him a simple ranch hand from somewhere across the kingdom. But it's the perfect fairytale ending, a diamond in the rough, and a beautiful Princess. Everyone would die for a life or ending like that. It never made sense to me. I mean come on, how can a simple ranch hand from Ordon Village save two worlds from destruction? I know the answer to that.

Midna.

She knew everything; she knew that our relationship wouldn't last. She knew that we would have to part worlds and live alone as we did before. I think she knew that we would meet, and become lovers, but I don't think she expected us to end like we did.

Her voice echoes in my head every night as I lay down to sleep. I had Link move to his own private quarters because I would toss and turn and moan. And I'm not talking about sleep moaning; I am talking about, the heat of passion moaning. I lost count how many times Midna's name escaped my lips as I would climax by my own hand. Link is simple, he is easy to please. I know he loves me, his love is genuine, and he also knows that my heart belongs with Midna. And to be quite honest, I think a part of his heart belongs to her as well. After all he spent an entire year with her. I love him, well at least I am trying to love him the way he loves me. I do feel something when we make love, but I feel Midna too. He knows how I still feel about Midna, but he doesn't know about all the nights she and I shared with one another.

Climaxing.

Crying.

Screaming.

Everything one could do with another person, I did with Midna. I miss her and nothing can change that. I love her and I still love her. Then and now.

Time won't change anything.

Time won't heal anything.

Time won't tell you what might have been.

Our time was running out. I think Midna knew that. I knew it too, but I never stopped to think. My crazed, 18 year old, hormonal body didn't want to listen to reason. And I don't think Midna's did either, because she never said no.

And neither did I.

The only thing that I am sure of now in my life at this point is that I have to move on from Midna. I have to open my heart again. I am going to be a mother soon, and I have to be strong, I need to be the best mother that I can for my unborn child. I love this child growing within me; I love it more than I ever thought I could love something alive. The love I felt for Midna, the love I still feel for her is like a weight on my body. But it is not a burdensome weight, but a comfortable one. I am not sure how the future will pan out, and even if I did, I wouldn't be allowed to reveal it, or change it. But one thing is an absolute certainty.

I will always love the Queen of Twilight.

Midna.

My Midna.


End file.
